Well, I gave my 2 week notice today. I can't believe it. I've been at this job since 2004, and it's finally time to move on. I can't say that I haven't felt this way for some time now. I have. There have just been too many variables to consider that made changing jobs impossible. Well, maybe not impossible, but foolish.
Hubby and I have talked about moving closer to his family and church. I'm already about 30 mins from work and this move will take us another 30 mins away. We are planning to move over the summer. But for now, the drive will be about the same, just in the opposite direction. Once we move, I'll be closer to work than I am now.
We are trying to have a baby. I work in a jail. Enough said.
No more uniforms. Normal clothes. Wow!!
Working in law enforcement is a special kind of job. You deal with people at a very low point in their life. Either they are in jail or facing the prospect of jail due to committing a crime, they have family in jail, or they are the victim of a crime. Man, that's rough. You have to deal with people in various situations and circumstances. I think that's really had an effect on me. It can be such a downer. I'm not always the sweetheart I used to be. I know that's hard to believe and all, but it's true.
Then there’s the stress. I'm stressed, the people I work with are stressed, the inmates are stressed, their families are stressed, the victims are stressed... a lot of stress going around. And some people have a hard time dealing with stress. Sometimes tempers flare. Sometimes people get attitudes. You can't take it personal, but sometimes I do. I've worked really hard lately to stay positive, but it's hard with so much negativity around you. And I find myself complaining about this stuff all the time. I don’t like being that kind of person. I want to leave the job at the job. I know there’s stress everywhere at every job. I just think that there’s a lot more factors contributing to it here.
And working in a jail is crazy. I mean, this ain't your typical office setting. Some of the language and behavior is not exactly the greatest. There are a few of my peeps (you know who you are), that I have aligned myself with that are exceptions. But for the most part, the language and topics of conversation have gone from bad to worse. But that stuff hasn't changed, I'm the one that's changed. At first I stopped participating, and then I distanced myself from it, now I find myself being offended by it.
I think when I started here I morphed into a different kind of person so I would fit in and to deal with the kind of things I heard every day. I somehow changed my personality or my outlook. And for a while that was fine, but not anymore. That’s not the kind of person I want to be. I don’t want to hear about that stuff and it doesn’t bother me because I’ve heard it so many times before. I don’t want to hear about someone that beats their kids, or gets their 3rd DUI or sells drugs. When people come to jail, we know why they’re here; we hear the details of their crimes. Some of this stuff is so crazy, you wouldn’t believe it. It sounds like something you would see on TV. I don’t want to hear about drugs and alcohol, kids being molested and people trying to hurt other people. Stuff like this used to shock me or upset me and now it’s nothing new. How terrible is that? Maybe this is stupid, but I want to be able to look for good in people and not see all this bad stuff. I want to be able to feel compassion for people again.
So there are a few different reasons why this change is good. I believe that a new chapter in my life is getting ready to begin. I feel nervous but excited. I will miss my peeps though. We sure have had some good times and some crazy times. I can think back to the many conversations and laughs we’ve had as well as some of the really hard times we’ve been through. But we made it through. And I don’t know how I would have done it without my peeps. I don’t know where I would be today without the advice and guidance I’ve gotten from you guys. And that’s the truth. Not just at work, but in my real life. I know I won’t be able to come and visit for a quick chat or pick up the phone for a top secret conversation or to blow off some steam. But we’ve got email. Right? Please do not diss me peeps. We shall keep in touch. And of course you will be able to follow my rantings here on a regular basis.
(I just want you to know that I am now crying as I type. I did not expect that, but I can’t help it. I am turning in to such a soft little dork.)
2 comments:
I'm crying too! I knew this was a very definite possibility, and I knew that it was going to be sooner than later, but I didn't realize until right now that I would miss you this much! I agree with you so much on the aspects of your job and how you've changed (I can't grasp the things I can actually deal with and hear without flinching like I used to) and also on your personal life. A positive attitude and compassion are two very vital personality traits that sometimes get lost in our line of work.
I wish you the best of luck and will miss our rants and chuckles every day!!! Love you!
We are going to miss you SOOOOO very much. The place just won't be the same here without you. You really bring such joy and laughter to this otherwise crabby workplace. Just remember that we are just a phone call or an email away! We'll have to make an extra effort to keep in touch and to get together sometime!
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